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5th September 2003

4:16am: moved
have got a new journal (thanks to kat!) - add me!

4th September 2003

3:34pm: I know that one of you wants to give me an lj code. if you do I will love you forever. Honest.
2:13am: lol sounds about right

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Yea, verily: Who is that, rampaging amidst the wasteland! It is Sophie, hands clutching a reflective halberd! And with a mighty howl, her voice cometh:

"I'm going to spackle you with wasabi!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Current Mood: amused
1:31am: Well feeling slightly less crappy today! After my tantrum last night about being fat, ugly and stupid, I went to bed and read....dum dum dum....a whole book. I read "Foe" by JM Coetzee and it's fantastic. So glad I can enjoy at least one of the books I will be studying in the first year! Now I am pressing on with Pamela...such a pain. 700 pages and nothing happens!! Nothing I tell you!! Wordy isn't necessarily bad but if you are going to have 700 pages of tiny writing then you better fucking have something to say!! I thought I would like it as it is supposed to be a political statement about the oppression of women and the stagnant class system but it is infact about this pathetic weed/religious nut called Pamela, who works as a servant in a house, and her boss keeps coming on to her and she's all "Oh lord save him from his wicked ways, I am but a virtuous maid". Except she says it in 12309217301274017402340710347102347012370127 words. Yawn. Oh well only a couple of hundred pages to go.
Woke up this morning to a big fat envelope of forms from The Royal Holloway. it is amazing how much paperwork is involved in going to uni. Plus there was a letter saying they all had to be received by the 5th which means Ihad to fill them all in and send them today. Yawn. I found out that the first week is infact freshers week and my first lecture is just a 'welcome to english, 3 years of reading enormous amounts of books' sort of thing, and then that week is just enrolment, joining stuff, drinking etc. Excellent :-) The only thing that bugged me is the medical form...they want to know all sorts of stuff...when my last smear test was, how heavy my periods are, whether I am sexually active, whether I have ever been treated for a psychological problem...how is that their business and how does whether I'm getting laid or not affect my studies?? I just answered no to most stuff. Oh plus I have to have my meningitis and tetnus jabs next wednesday morning :-( Better that than dying of some illness in the first week I suppose! Meningitis is ridiculously common amongst students they inisist you have the jab, and then when I called up my doctors office the nurse reminded me that I am long overdue for a tetnus jab too. Woohoo. Double the needles = double the fun. Not.

After that I went to work @ the foyer, read some and then discovered THE biggest spider in england about 3 inches from my bare foot. ewwww. I ran shrieking from the room.

Clare sent me a text message just saying "how are you" etc to me when I was with my mum the other day, and I didn't reply and have been busyish since then...she sent me one saying "it ouwld be nice of you to reply once in a while you know. i thought you were my friend but obviously not." Get over yourself!!! Centre of the Universe compex I think...it was one text message and it's been like a day. hmmmf.
Current Mood: accomplished

3rd September 2003

12:01am: have a splitting headache from attempting to read in my poorly-lit room. I am not clever enough to go to the Royal Holloway what was I thinking! I am out of my depth, well and truly. I slipped through the net somehow. Ouch my head. Do you think they'll notice that I don't understand literature? 17 days fuck I don't want to go...I changed my mind!!! I know I do want to go, really...I suppose I am more scared of change than I thought I was...just looking around...my room is so cosy and I can;t bear the htought of all the books on the shelf waiting to be read and understood, and all the stuff I have to pack up. All I want to do is read "The Lovely Bones" as everyone I know practically is reading it or has read it and is raving about it and I am desparate to read it, but I don't have the cash to buy it let alone the time to read it when I should be reading all this other stuff. Dear lord. Sorry for rambling but hey it's my journal.
Current Mood: confused

2nd September 2003

8:00pm: I am feeling ugly today. You know, one of those days where you feel the mirror might crack. I wish I was pretty. And thin. Oh well.

take a look at my journal layout, though!
Current Mood: ugly
12:13am: ~You Stuff~
001. What is your name? Sophie
002. Spell your name backwards. eihpoS
003. Date of birth: July 13th 1985
004. Male or female? female
005. Astrological sign: cancer
006. Nicknames: Moph, Smurf, Norm
007. Occupation? Student
008. Height: 5'6
009. Weight: At the moment about 9 stone...130lbs
010. Hair color: Dark brown that the moment, blonde-ish naturally
011. Eye color: Blue/grey/green ish murky colour.
012. Where were you born? Enfield, London
013. Where do you reside now? Tunbridge Wells, Kent - soon to be Egham, surrey
014. Age: 18
015. Screen names: Secretsaint, Butterf1y, popsock
016. E-mail addy: MissButterf1y@aol.com
017. Secretsaint - in a poem I read once, Butterf1y, obviously a butterfly - I like them...um...popsock because it is cool. Dear me, I am a shallow screen name owner
018. What is your LJ name? secretsaint
019. What does your diary name stand for? a Leonard cohen song
020. Pets: A westie called Jock
021. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake? one
022. Piercings? no
023. Tattoos? Butterfly on my shoulder
024. Shoe size: 6 or 7
025. Righty or lefty? Right
026. Wearing: Snoopy Pyjamas
027. Hearing: the TV
028. Feeling: tired, achy, wierd.
029. Eating/drinking: Cup of cranberry tea

~Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff~
061. Have you ever been in love? Yes
062. How many people have you told "I love you"? A few...excluding platonic love, one.
063. How many people have you been in love with? One
064. How many people have you kissed? Um...I don't want to count. About 20, I'd say...
065. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes
066. How many people have you dated? Again I don't know...lots of pointless stuff when i was younger...I'd say about 5 proper relationships
067. What do you look for in a guy/girl? kindness, honesty, passion, sincerity, a sense of humour
068. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? I don't know
069. What type of guy/girl do you usually go for? The people who have the qualities in number 67. I am attracted to a lot of older women at the moment. I oculdn;t pinpoint exactly which physical qualities I go for, but usually dark hair, in both sexes
070. Do you have a bf/gf? No
071. If so where did you meet them? ...
072. What do you like most about your bf/gf? Oh enough now!
073. Do you have a crush right now? No, I did, a while ago, on my boss Clare, but seeing as I never see her now, it doesn't occupy me so much
074. If so who is it? See above
075. Do you believe in love at first sight? No
076. Do you remember your first love? Yes
077. Who is the first person you kissed? THis boy called phil, when I was 12 at a Disco. He tasted of cheeseburgers
078. Do you believe in fate? I believe what goes around comes around, and you reap what you sew. Sometimes things do seem to fall into place, but never perfectly.
079. Do you believe in soul mates? Not as such no. I do believe that people have an enormous capacity to love and people can be incredilbly right for each other but I don't believe there are certain people made for each other - nothing is going to be that perfect and it would be boring if it was.
080. If so do you believe you'll ever find yours? see above.

~Family Stuff~

104. How many siblings do you have? Five
105. What are your parents names? Jo and Alan
106. What are your siblings names? Phoebe, Finn, Job, Skye, Dulcie
107. How many siblings does your mother have? 1
108. How many siblings does your father have? 1
109. Where are your parents from? Wolverhampton
110. Is your family close? Sort of...it's kindof divided into two families and each is close in their own way. I don't see my mum much these days but we talk a lot and when I'm with my family we are very close. Obviously. I am really not answering these questions well.
111. Does your family get together for holidays? I get together with each family for a while...they both get together separately and phoebe and I dart between the two.
112. Do you have a drunk uncle? I have an uncle who drinks when he goes to the pub?
113. Any medical problems run through your family? balding men on my dad's side, breast cancer is common on my mum's
114. Does someone in your family wear a toupee? No my grandad and dad are balding and proud
115. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Nope
116. Are your parents divorced? Yup
117. Do you have step parents? yup both
118. Has your family ever disowned another member of your family? My mother and I have disowned each other a few times, my mum disowned her dad many years ago
119. If so for what? my mother and I just clash sometimes, my grandad was a violent, drunken useless pervert
120. Did some of your family come to America from another country? We went on holiday there a couple of times lol. I don't live there but isn't everyone apart from the native americans from elsewhere?

~Music Stuff~

121. What song do you swear was written about you or your life? I can;t think of one written about my life as such but about moments or periods or situations, sure.
122. What's the most embarrasing cd you own? Cher. But I'm not ashamed. Her old stuff is good. I even saw her in concert once. Yes that's right I like Cher, laugh it up. The shoop shoop song is pretty cool.
123. What's the best cd you own? the best of morphine - it is fantastic plus it is really rare so I am lucky to own it
124. What song do you absolutely hate? that single by the cartoons....witchdoctor or something....I actually have to leave the room if it comes on in a shop or club or something
125. Do you sing in the shower? yeah
126. What song reminds you of that special someone? Hmmn..."gypsy" by Suzanne Vega and "Hey that's no way to say goodbye" both remind be of Jess..."gypsy" because it was my favorite song on the valentine's tape she made me, and "Hey" because I used to listen to it whilst we were apart and I was feeling lonely
127. Pink: Butch, music good for a party or something
128. Aerosmith: Dude looks like a lady.
129. Madonna: <3 <3 <3
130. Korn: belurgh
131. Backstreet boys: vomit
132. The Beatles: yeeeeaah they rock
133. Sublime: eh?
134. J.Lo: Shut up
135. *Nsync: ditto
136. Limp Bizkit: go stick rusty nails in your eyes
137. Britney Spears: it's good for tidying, parties and such
138. Creed: Ooh I saw them once. I like that one song, but their new stuff sucks
139. Enrique Iglesias: go eat maggots you talentless fuck
140. Good Charlotte: stop taking the piss out of other artists you're not worthy of it
141. Christina Aguilera: She's dirrty but I can handle it
142. Eminem: Stop moaning you old git. Stan is good though
143. New Found Glory: burp
144. Kelly Clarkson: I don't like it
146. Mandy Moore: bottle-blonde shite
147. Eve: Not my thing but I quite liked her thing with Gwen Steffani
148. Aaliyah: Just because she's dead doesn't mean she was good - she really wasn't big before she died now black artists pay tribute to her in every video??
149. Nelly: Go on a diet you twat
150. Alicia Keys: Not really
151. Incubus: I like what I've heard

152. Color: Pink and black generally, at the moment, I am digging brown and green for no good reason...I think it's autumn
153. Food: Peanut butter, all things sugary
154. Song: Morphine - The Night
155. Show: The X-Files when it existed
156. School subject: Drama
157. Band/singer: Morphine
158. Animal:
159. Outfit: my tweed 60's mini skirt with my patterned seamed tights and pink "angel eyes" movie poster t-shirt, and my black and white pumps. Honestly it looks good on. Sort of.
160. Radio station: dont listen to the radio its all a bit shite
161. Movie: The Hours
162. Pair of shoes: pink 50's peeptoe stilettos
163. Cartoon: Peanuts
164. Actor: Daniel Auteil, Kevin Kline, Johnny Depp
165. Actress: Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep, Gillian Anderson, Susan Sarandon, Catherine Deneuve, Susan Sarandon, Sigourney Weaver, Isabelle Huppert...TOO MANY!!
166. Potato chip: Dorito's lightly salted, or Salt and Vineager pringles
167. Drink: Diet Coke, nesquick milk, touch of fruit volvic strawberry water
168. Alcholic drink: Strawberry Daquiri
169. Holiday: Christmas!!
170. Perfume/cologne: Tobacco Flower - Body Shop or Moschino Cheap and Chic
171. Pizza topping: "Soho" - parmasan and rocket
172. Jello flavor: strawberry
173. Lunch meat: Salami..does that count?
174. Board game: Monopoly
175. Video game: none
176. Website: LJ, gingerbeer, various actress websites
177. Book: To The Wedding by John Berger
178. Computer game: Destruct-o-match, spell or starve, online poker
179. Number: 7
180. Cereal: Corn pops, or crunchy nut cornflakes
181. Comedian: Ellen Degeneres or Jennifer Saunders
182. Dessert: Sticky Toffee pudding, banoffee pie, apple crumble...stop it you are maing me hungry
183. Disney character: pocahontas was cool.
184. Clothing store: Topshop, especially oxford street, brandwise I like Pink Soda and Miss 60 but am always too poor to afford either
185. Pasttime: films, theatre, reading, acting, shopping, poker!!
186. Teacher: Sophie Clark :-) Mrs Corp was amusing at times and made me tough
187. Childhood toy: Helga, my cabbage patch doll
188. Carnival game/ride: I love stuff that spins round and round...the Rodeo and stuff like that. Oh and the big wheel. not things that go upside down though. That's not what nature or my stomach intended
189. Candy bar: Kinder Bueno
190. Magazine: they're all crap - "Culture" on sundays is OK as is Time Out
191. Salad dressing: Honey Mustard
192. Thing to do on the weekend: Watch breakfast at Tiffany's, eat, sleep, shop, go to London
193. Hot drink: Latte
194. Season: Autumn
195. Sport to watch: none!
196. Person to talk to online: I have fun with Kat, would liek to talk to Lisa if I could catch her!!

~Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits~
197. What color are your sheets? My duvet cover is white with orange, red and pink spots on it, my sheets are white.
198. What color are your bedroom walls? white
199. Do you have posters on your wall? I do
200. If so of what? breakfast at Tiffany's, marilyn Monroe, "Les Amies" - two girls kissing, Belle de Jour, Monster's Ball, The hours, far from heaven, what the night is for, lots of smaller photos of catherine deneuve, gillian anderson, julianne moore, audrey hepburn, marilyn monroe
201. Do you have a tv in your bedroom? Yes
202. How many pillows are on your bed? 2
203. What do you normally sleep in? Little or nothing in the summer, snoopy or cloud pyjamas or a big t-shirt in the winter
204. Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: My Snoopy ones - they are size xxl so massive on me, and warm and comfy...blue with pictures of snoopy all over them!
205. What size bed do you have? Single
206. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed? Nope
207. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom? yes
208. Do you listen to music while trying to fall asleep? No
209. Describe the last nightmare you had: I dreamt that I was pregnant and had to have an abortion but they were telling me all about the baby whilst i was on the table, saying it was a little boy...then they did a scan and told me I wasn't pregnant at all. Probably my mind's way of tellingme not to worry about things that don't need worring about
210. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? um no
211. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? One, two if you are prepared to snuggle.
212. Do you sleep in any unusual positions? I sometimes curl up into a ball in my sleep but usually on my front.
213. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling? No
214. Do you snore? probably
215. How about drool? Sometimes
216. Do you have an alarm clock in your room? Yes
217. What color is the carpet in your room? horrible navy blue
218. What's under your bed? nothing but there used to be loads of junk under there

~This or that~
219. Coke/Pepsi: Coke
220. Doughnuts/bagels: doughnuts
221. Day/night: night
222. Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west: East
223. Heaven/hell: Heaven
224. Make love/have sex: Make love
225. Coffee/tea: Coffee
226. Hamburgers/hotdogs: hamburgers
227. Rap/rock: Rock
228. Britney/Christina: britney
229. Swiss cheese/american cheese: Eww neither
230. Real World/Road Rules: I would say real world if I knew what you were asking me??
231. Backstreet Boys/*Nsync: eating my own foot
232. Silver/gold: Silver
233. Nike/Adidas: eww
234. McDonalds/Taco Bell: McDonalds
235. Sweet/sour: sweet
236. Punk/emo: punk
237. Hot/cold: Cold
238. Winter/summer: winter
239. Spring/fall: fall
240. Operas/plays: plays!!
241. Read/watch tv: read
242. Cd's/tapes: CDs
243. Dvd's/vhs: both
244. Old/new: old
245. Shorts/skirts: skirts
246. Pink/red: pink
247. Colored pictures/black and white photos: Black and white
248. Meat/vegetables: Vegetables
249. Mexican food/chinese food: Chinese
250. Commercials/infomercials: blah blah blah
251. Scary movies/comedies: Comedies
252. Bikinis/one piece bathing suits: Bikini
253. Sandals/tennis shoes: Sandals
254. Dogs/cats: cats generally but have grown to love my dog
255. Unicorns/fairies: unicorns
256. Water/land: Both
257. Sugar/spice: sugar
258. Black/white: Both
259. Ribbons/bows: bows
260. Chicken/beef: Chicken
261. Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: regular white
262. Cars/trucks: cars
263. Austin Powers/James Bond: James Bond
264. Popcorn/pretzels: Popcorn
265. Hip-hop/Rock: Rock
266. Passionate kiss/peck: passionate kiss!
267. WWE wrestling/ real wrestling: Neither!
268. Back rub/foot massage: back rub
269. Picture frames/photo albums: frames
270. Pens/pencils: Pens

~What Is Your Opinion Of The Following~
271. Eminem: good rapper but I don't like rap and he always seems to be complaining or boasting
272. Virgins: I once was one
273. God: A comfort blanket
274. The Osbournes: Irritating
275. Reality TV: shite. used to watch Big Brother a couple of years ago. Watched fame academly last year but this year couldn't be bothered with either
276. J.Lo: you asked this already
277. Religion: a comfort blanket, again. Stops people from being lonely and absolves them from some of their responsibilities...teaches good things too though, moralistically
278. Emo music: I think that's an american thing that old Britain hasn't caught onto yet??
279. Valentine's Day: Great if you have someone to celebrate it with, shite if you don't
280. Christina Aguilera's comeback: At least she's being honest but the girl has some issues
281. Homosexuals: If it's love then it doesn't matter what sex the person is. I don't like the 'scene' that much as it is all sex-orientated and rather incestuous.
282. Abortion: Choice
283. Inter-racial relationships: I've no problem with it
284. Murder: Um...not a good idea
285. Death: the end of your life - difficult to comprehend
286. Obesity: not good
287. Pre-marital sex: I think you should be in a loving and trusting relationship with the person you have sex with. I don't believe in marriage though so the question doesn't mean much
288. Terrorism: bad
289. Pornography: Sick. Mostly I feel sad for those who feel like they have no choice but to do it, or those who have been so warped that they enjoy it, and I feel disgusted at those who find it erotic
290. Fortune tellers: crooks
291. Threesomes: terrible idea! Love three ways doesn't work IMHO
292. Prostitution: Again I feel really sorry for those who feel that they have no choice but to do it, and think those who use prostitutes are sick. Society has created prostitution in many forms, and it makes me extremely sad as our bodies were not meant to be used that way
294. Country music: in general no but I love nanci griffith and iris dement, both of whom I grew up with, and HMV say that their music belongs in the country section!
295. George W. Bush: Probably has good intentions but is a bit of a retard
296. Cloning: Dude no
297. Britney's boobs: Couldn't give a fuck
298. Gas prices in America: meh?

~Name Game~
What Do You Think Of When You Hear These Common Names?...
299. Jack: the ripper
300. Tiffany: diamonds
301. Ben: hur
302. Maria: santana "maria maria"
303. Jennifer: love hewitt unfortunately
304. Nicole: kidman
305. Amy: studt
306. Adam: ant
307. Richard: from school
308. Justin: timberlake
309. Arnold: Schwarzenneger
310. Tom: cruise
311. Melissa: joan hart (who is she? How do I know this name??)
312. Charlotte: grey
313. Harold: bishop
314. John: doe
315. Joel: haley joel osment (sp?)
316. Vanessa: virgina woolfe's sister in the hours - how sad am I!!
317. Michelle: trachtenburg (sp again!)
318. Kevin: Kline
319. Brent: not a common name?
320. Jake: cute name
321. Billy: crudup
322. Sarah: jessica parker
323. Natalie: Memento
324. Christy: agatha even though it's not spelt the same
325. Nick: prison!
326. Linda:
327. Taylor: suits
328. Jordan: tits
329. Jaime: lee curtis. Even though it's actually Jamie Lee Curtis. Is there something wrong with my mind?
330. Adrian: Mole

~Have You Ever....~
331. Mooned anyone? Yes
332. Been on a diet? sort of.
333. Been to a foreign country? yes
334. Broken a bone? only toes and fingers
335. Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling? No
336. Swear at a teacher? yes
337. Talked to an LJ member via e-mails or instant messages? Yes
338. Got in a fight? Yes
339. Dated a teacher? No
340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants? yes
341. Thought about killing your enemy? Probably
342. Gone skinny dipping? yes
343. Met another LJ member in the flesh? Yes, but knew both of them before I was on LJ
344. Told a little white lie? Of course
345. Told a secret you swore not to tell? perhaps...eep
346. Used a foreign object to masturbate? lol! Yes but it was meant for that purpose!!
347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid? Yeah probably
348. Been on tv? yes when I was like 9
349. Been on the radio? No
350. Been in a mosh pit? unfortunately!!
351. Been to a concert? Yes
352. Dated one of your best friends? No
353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry? Yes
354. Deceived somebody close to you? Not that i know of
355. Broken the law? Yes
356. Been to a rodeo? No
357. Been on a talk show? No
358. Been on a game show? No
359. Been on an airplane? Yes
360. Got to ride on a firetruck? No
361. Came close to dying? Yes
362. Cheated on a bf/gf? yes when i was like 13
363. Gave someone a piggy back ride? Yes
364. Terrorized a babysitter? Yes hehe
365. Made a mud pie? No
366. Had a dream that you're falling off a cliff? Yes
367. Snuck out of the house at night? yes once or twice in mine and ellie's bad days
368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name? probably
369. Had an eating disorder? No
370. Felt like you didn't belong? yes
371. Felt like the 3rd wheel? lol yeah
372. Smoked? Yes
373. Done drugs? Only pot and it's fucking stupid
374. Stolen money from a poor person begging on the street? No of course not!
375. Had your tonsils removed? No
376. Gone to camp? No
377. Won a bet? Yes
378. Written a love letter? Yes
379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love? Yes
380. Written a love poem? Yes
381. Kissed in the rain? No
382. Slow danced with someone you love? No
383. Participated in cyber sex? No!
384. Faked an orgasm? yes with guys...I really didn't enjoy it but felt a bit sorry for them beucase they were trying so hard!
385. Stolen a kiss? stolen one? Oh like oppurtunistically? Used to do it with Jess a bit, if we were out with other people I would steal a kiss whilst they were doing something else or whilst no-one was looking.
386. Asked a friend for relationship advice? of course
387. Had a friend steal your bf/gf? Yup
388. Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love? Yes
389. Gotten a speeding ticket? No
390. Done jail time? No
391. Had to wear a uniform to work? many! Tennessee Secret, Muffin Break, baguette du jour, starburger!!
392. Won a trophy? Nope
393. Thrown up in public? Yes
394. Bowled a perfect game? No
395. Failed/got held back? A lot with auditions and applications this year, taught me a lot
397. Roasted pumpkin seeds? I ate some but I didn't toast them myself...?
398. Taken ballet lessons? No
399. Attempted suicide? A half hearted attempt - more of a cry for help/attention
400. Cut yourself? Yes once or twice. I thought it owuld make me feel better but I didn't really get it. Long time ago

~Childhood Stuff~
401. Did you play with Barbies? No never took to them
402. Did you own Treasure Trolls? yeah
404. Did you play Simon? if you mean Simon Says then yes
405. Did you watch Fraggle Rock? yeah baby I loved that!
406. Did you wet the bed? probably when I was little, and once when I was like nine or so....had the old on-the-toilet dream
407. Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed? Yes...except for some reason I was convinced it was wolves
408. Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them? I used to have some but I never wore the right day
409. Were you shy? Not overly no
410. Were you spoiled? A little, by my dad...I have five siblings but I have an advantage as I'm the eldest...I was an only child for the first 5 years so I think I was spoiled then
411. Were you abused? Yes, a long time ago.
412. Did you go to the circus? once, it's shite!
413. Did you go to the zoo? Yes
414. Were you in a car accident? Yeah a couple
415. Did you build snowmen? yeah :-)
416. Did you cry when you scraped your knee? I would pretend I was ok and then cry by myself
417. Were your older cousins mean to you? theyre all younger :-)
418. Did you think slinkies were cool? I still do!!
419. Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer? I never really questionedit... I guess so...but wouldn't takeout pizza not be very appetising in the sewer? maybe it was clean one... NOW youve got me thinking!!
420. Were you afraid of the dark? not untill I was abused
421. Did you have slumber parties? Yes!
422. Did you have New Kids On The Block sheets, curtains, sleeping bags, dolls and pajamas? Nope
423. Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany? who?
424. Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy? I was always suspicious

425. Do you believe in aliens?I suppose there must be life out there somewhere.
426. Name 3 things that are next to your computer: notebook, coctail lamp, hairdryer
427. Do you have any hidden talents? No not really
428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos? yes....isn't music tv for music rather than jackass??
429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? drama
430. What would your movie star name be? Sophia Beaumont
431. Do you play any sports? fuck off
432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? IT
433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently? Last movie I saw at the cinema was confidence, last movie rented was Breaking The Waves
434. What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen? American Pie probably, or dude where's my car
435. Do you drive? no
436. What is your dream car? A '66 T Bird Convertible...thelma and louise baby!!
437. Do you think you're good looking? Not particularly no
438. Do others think you are good looking? People either find me pretty/cute or incredibly ugly. Depends on what floats your boat I suppose
439. Would you ever sky dive? Probably not I'm too chicken
440. Do you believe in Bigfoot? No!
441. How many bedrooms do you have in your house? 4
442. Are you afraid of roller coasters? They can be fun but I always get a little scared as I get on them
443. Do you believe in God? nope
444. Do you believe in Satan? nope. I believe in evil, but not satan
445. Do you believe there is a heaven? no
446. Do you believe there is a hell? no
447. Do you own a pool table? No
448. Do you have a pool? No
449. Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen? yes but in my new place no
450. Do you like chocolate? yeah!!
451. Who/what is on your 2003 calendar? dont have one!!
452. How many U.S. states have you been to? 3 - California, Georgia, and Florida
453. Ever wished on a shooting star? yes
454. Best Halloween costume you ever wore? A bat! It was cool
456. What is your weakness? fatty foods, lack of self dicipline generally
457. Name something you can't get enough of: good conversation
458. Describe yourself in 3 adjectives: Optimistic, loving, scatty
459. How many kids do you want to have? One
460. Future daughters names: Lilah
461. Future sons names: ??
462. What is your ideal way to die? In my sleep
463. How do you release stress? smoking, talking about it, LJ
464. Are you a trendy person? Not at all!
465. Are you an artistic person? Yes
466. Are you a realistic person? Yes
467. Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off? None of my shoes have ties, really
468. Are you a strong person? in some ways
469. Are you a strong willed person? no
470. Who is the last person to e-mail you? seb
471. Who is the last person to IM you? kat I think
472. Do you hate chain e-mails? Yes
473. Are you a deep sleeper? very
474. Are you a good story teller? yeah sometimes
475. What do you believe is your best quality? kindness
476. What is your greatest accomplishment? how sad that I can't think of one. At the moment I'm happy about going to uni
477. Do you like to burn candles or incense? incense yes
478. Do you do yoga? nope
479. Do you have your own credit card? No
480. Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money? Buy my mum a huge house for them all to live in, charity, a gorgeous appartment in London, New York and Paris.
481. Do you have a check book? Cheque, but yes
482. Do you like your driver's license picture? dont have one
483. Do you tan easily? it's white or red and not much inbetween
484. What color is your hair naturally? Blonde
485. How many fillings do you have? too many!! About 5
486. How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit? Loads!!
487. Worst feeling in the world? Guilt or jealousy
488. Best feeling in the world? Love
489. Is the glass half empty or half full? half full
490. Last thing you downloaded? the song "Paris Paris"
491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life? no - and this is my real life. I really am typing at this computer right now
492. What do you think people think of you? I don't know.
493. Are you a likeable person? Generally I hope - I am sometimes way too demanding but I learn from my mistakes and control myself more as I get older
494. Do you need therapy? I probably did a few years ago but not now
495. Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance? No, I did for a few weeks once and it was awful.
496. What the best way to be proposed to? Any way!
497. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UPS: lol
498. When are you moving? In 19 days!!
499. What's your favorite phrase? ...
12:00am: Strange day
Well, today was rather strange. For starters, it felt strange, like something had shifted - anyone know what I mean? Everything in the background seemed sort of quiet so that all the sounds around you were magnified...the cold made everything more still. I'll stop now...I tried to explain this to Alex and Daisy and they think I'm a crackpot. Probably something to do with September..Autumn.
My mum called today, bearing mind that she lives in france, and told me she was in Tunbridge Wells and to come and meet her. Turns out she had decided to bring Phoebe home herself instead of sending her on a flight. It was so strange as I missed her so much last night, for the first time since they left. SO I saw my Mum for the first time in three months, but only for a couple of hours. It was actually really nice...she has mellowed so much. She was calm and nice and honest and even made us laugh. She is usually up, down and all over the place, and gets really over-emotional, but today when she left she was really calm so what could have turned into hysterical crying and hugging (my mother, my sister and myself are stupidly over-emotional and this is magnified when we are together) turned into just a nice afternoon. It was cool. I dont know when I will next see her as my passport hasn't arrived yet and I only have two weeks till Uni starts. Quite strange.
So yeah...that was my day. Plus I have changed my journal background but it doesn't work because I want to right-align the boxes instead of having them in the centre, so you can actually see my background, but do I have to have a payed account to do that??

31st August 2003

2:23am: My diary's full of shit and I don't care!
J'march' tout seul le long d'la lign' de ch'min d'fer
Dans ma tet'y'a pas d'affair'
J'donne des coups d'pied dans un'pt'tit boite en fer
Dans ma tete y' a rien a faire
J'suis mal en campagn'et mal en vill'
Peut-etre un p'tit peu trop fragil'

Allo Maman bobo
Maman comment tu m'as fait j'suis pas beau
Allo maman bobo
Allo maman bobo

J'train'fumée, j'me r'trouv'avec mal au coeur
J'ai vomi tout mon quatre heur'
Fet',nuits foll's, avec les gens qu'ont du bol
Maint'nant qu'j'fais du music hall
J'suis mal a la scène et mal en vill'
Peut-etre un p'tit peu trop fragil'

Allo Maman bobo
Maman comment tu m'as fait j'suis pas beau
Allo maman bobo
Allo maman bobo

Moi j'voulais les sorties d'port à la voil'
La nuit barrer les étoil's
Moi les ch'vaux, l'révolver et l'chapeau d'clown
La belle peggy du saloon
J'suis mal en homme dur
Et mal en p'tit coeur
Peut-etre un p'tit peu trop rêveur

Allo Maman bobo
Maman comment tu m'as fait j'suis pas beau
Allo maman bobo
Allo maman bobo

((Alain Souchon & Catherine Deneuve - ps downlaod it's so pretty))
Current Mood: touched
1:07am: breakfast at Tiffany's <3 <3 <3
"Holly, I'm in love with you"
"So what?"
"So plenty! I love you, you belong to me."
"No, people don't belong to each other. I won't let anybody put me in a cage."
"I don't want to put you in a cage, I want to love you!"
"It's the same thing!"
"No, it's not...Holly..."
"I'm not Holly! I'm not Lula May either...I don't know who I am. I'm like cat here, we're a couple of no-name slobs, we belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us, we don't even belong to each other"
blah blah blah
"you know what's wrong with you, Miss...whoever you are? You're chicken. You got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say 'life's a fact'. People do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anyone's got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, and you're terrified somebody's going to stick you in a cage...well baby, you're already in that cage, you built it yourself, and it's not in Texas or out east it's wherever you go, because no matter where you go, you always end up running into yourself"

rain, running, cat, kiss, moon river, end xxxxxxxx

((because I have run out of things to say about my own life and this is a cool thing to have in my diary))
12:29am: Speedy Sophie
I am teaching myself to speed - read, I have been warned that I will need it at Uni. It's helping alot with Pamela, should finish it tomorrow at this rate and can start on the rest. I suppose I will have to read them all again anyway once I get to Uni, best that I know what's going on in each than know 3 or 4 inside out and not have looked at the rest. Kinda hard to find the balance between speed-reading and digesting the content of the book, though.

I have just sorted out my room...it got all messy last week with all my comings and goings...clothes everywhere, lots of washing and dusting and stuff to be done, but I have been putting it off all week. I don't know why...oh yes because I am a lazy fuck. Doh.

Oh and "Moonlight Mile" is fantastic - rent it now. I am watching Lars Von Trier's "Breaking the Waves" in a minute - he directed "Dancer in the Dark" so it's promising.

Look at this entry. Disgustingly tedious. Where did my life go??
Current Mood: accomplished

29th August 2003

3:22am: *shudder*
Well, "The Piano Teacher" was good......IF YOU ARE A SICK SICK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

It started off really well...this repressed lonely piano teacher, the beautiful Isabelle Huppert, who is fantastic - one of hose people who has amazing eyes and can convey everything wiht one expresion - living with her completely overbearing mother - and one of her students, this gorgeous blonde guy, falls in love with her - and she falls in love back. So you think this is going to be him helping her, and her discovering passion and love and tout ca but no...she turns out to be a complete sadomasachist who cuts her vagina with scalpels and rapes her own mother and wants him do do dispicable things to her and hit her....he still loves her but won't do any of that, she drives him crazy and he ends up beating her and raping her and then she almost stabs herself but decides against it...THE END!!!!

It's not just me is it...am I just old-fashioned or do cinema-goers not want to be exposed to such things??

I thought there was something in the film that I wasn't seeing, some more insight into the characters, so I looked at the interview with the director..."Well, the scene where she attempts to rape her mother is controversial but of course it is something we have all thought about at one point or another, going back to the place we came from...." IS IT THOUGH???? IS IT REALLY SOMETHING WE HAVE ALL THOUGHT ABOUT???!!!!!


Excuse me whilst I watch the end of "breakfast at tiffany's"...again. I need to be cleansed.
Current Mood: nauseated

28th August 2003

10:10pm: blah blah blah stolen from _digitalis_
Ten bands/artists you couldn't live without:

[1] Madonna
[2] Morphine
[3] Leonard Cohen
[4] Evanescence
[5] Aimee Mann
[6] nanci Griffith
[7] Iris Dement
[8] Alanis Morisette
[9] Suzanne Vega
[10] No Doubt

Nine albums that are important to you:

[1] The Night - Morphine
[2] The Very best of Leonard Cohen
[3] Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie - Alanis Morisette
[4] Little Earthquakes - Tori Amos
[5] Fallen - Evanescence
[6] Retrospective - Suzanne Vega
[7] Like a Prayer - Madonna
[8] Infamous Angel - Iris Dement
[9] Tom McRae - Tom McRae

Eight movies you'd watch over and over:

[1] The Hours
[2] Far From Heaven
[3] Breakfast At Tiffany's
[4] The Last Metro
[5] Sophie's Choice
[6] Thelma and Louise
[7] Dancer in the Dark
[8] 8 Women

Seven things that annoy you:

[1] Selfishness
[2] Vanity
[3] lack of conviction
[4] pseudo-intellectual bullshit
[5] neurotic/obsessive people
[6] Sophie Ellis-Bextor
[7] Injustice

Six of your favorite songs (currently):

[1] The Night - Morphine
[2] Winter - Tori Amos
[3] Start The Fire - No Doubt
[4] De Ne Pas Vivre Seul (from '8 Women')
[5] Toi Jamais (Catherine Deneuve - from '8 Women')
[6] My Immortal - Evanescence

Five TV shows you watch regularly:

[1] The X-Files (If it was still on!!)
[2] The Ellen Show
[3] Friends
[4] ER
[5] Sex and the City

Four of your all-time-favorite books:

[1] To The Wedding - John Berger
[2] Sophie's Choice - William Styron
[3] The Hours - Michael Cunningham
[4] The House of Mirth - Edith Wharton

Three albums you've bought (or downloaded) recently:

[1] '8 Women' Soundtrack (downloaded as it doesn't seem to exist to buy)
[2] Bjork - Selmasongs
[3] No Dubt - Tragic Kingdom (replacement for lost CD)

Two Artists you would like to do the NASTY with:

[1] Gwen Steffani!!!!
[2] Amy Lee of Evanescence

whilst we're here, take a look ath my other new icon!! It's Catherine Deneuve flicking her hair around. Not that I'm obsessed with her and want to have a wild romance with her or anything. xxx.
12:14am: Today I was supposed to be...
*going to brighton shopping in the daytime
*going out in london in the evening

However, I am broke and lazy so I stayed in bed and watched...
*Breakfast at Tiffany's
*My Fair Lady
*Tipping the Velvet

And ate Tootsie rolls. It was good. That's all.

26th August 2003

6:39pm: Who will make me an animated icon, if I send them some pictures??
1:44am: Selling Videos and DVDs
Due to a serious lack of space and cash, I will be selling the following...

As I know I have met some of you through various actresses, I have indicated actresses which may be of interest in each of the films - some of the films are not well known but definitely worht having if you are a fan of the actress.

VIDEO £2 each or best offer!!
The Deer Hunter (meryl streep)
From Dusk Till Dawn
The Shawshank redemption
the ice storm (sigourney weaver)
marvin's room (meryl streep)
alien (sigourney weaver)
aliens (sigourney weaver)
alien 3 (sigourney weaver)
4 weddings and a funeral
twilight (susan sarandon)
anywhere but here (susan sarandon)
half moon street (sigourney weaver)
deal of the century (sigourney weaver)
plenty (meryl streep)
copycat (sigourney weaver)
nine months (julianne moore)
jurassic park: the lost world (julianne moore)
falling in love (meryl streep)
silkwood (meryl streep)
snow white: a tale of terror (sigourney weaver)
the bodyguard
working girl (sigourney weaver)
1492 conquest of paradise (sigourney weaver)
the year of living dangerously (sigourney weaver)
ghostbusters & ghostbusters 2 (sigourney weaver)
legends of the fall
before and after (meryl streep)
sophie's choice (meryl streep)
tristana (catherine deneuve)
un flic (catherine deneuve)
atlantic city(susan sarandon)
bull durham (susan sarandon)
the dark secrets of the simpsons
the myth of fingerprints (julianne moore)
safe (julianne moore)
X-Files "Millenium"
X-Files the movie

Seasons 1-7 X-Files box sets *cringes* £20 each or best offer!

DVDs £5 each or best offer!!
earthly possessions (susan sarandon)
little women (susan sarandon/winona ryder)
stepmom (susan sarandon)
light sleeper (susan sarandon)
the january man (susan sarandon)
The French Lieutenant's Woman (Meryl Streep)
Psycho (remake - Julianne Moore)
the Cider House Rules
vanilla sky
east/west (catherine deneuve)

just comment or email me if you are at all interested in any of these. All videos are PAL format and all DVDs are region 2. If you are interested in a lot of it I'm sure we can do a deal!! I really need to shift this stuff. oh and also if you are interested in any other films with Susan Sarandon, Julianne Moore, Sigourney Weaver or Meryl Streep in them it is likely that I have them, just email me and I'm sure I could be persuaded to part with them!!

24th August 2003

De Ne Pas Vivre Seul
from "8 Women"

Pour ne pas vivre seul
On vit avec un chien
On vit avec des roses
Ou avec une croix
Pour ne pas vivre seul
On s’fait du cinéma
On aime un souvenir
Une ombre, n’importe quoi
Pour ne pas vivre seul
On vit pour le printemps
Et quand le printemps meurt
Pour le prochain printemps
Pour ne pas vivre seul
Je t’aime et je t’attends pour avoir l’illusion
De ne pas vivre seule, de ne pas vivre seule

Pour ne pas vivre seules
Des filles aiment des filles
Et l’on voit des garçons
Epouser des garçons
Pour ne pas vivre seuls
D’autres font des enfants
Des enfants
Qui sont seuls
Comme tous les enfants
Pour ne pas vivre seul
On fait des cathédrales
Où tous ceux
Qui sont seuls
S’accrochent à une étoile
Pour ne pas vivre seule
Je t’aime et je t’attends pour avoir l’illusion
De ne pas vivre seule

Pour ne pas vivre seul,
On se fait des amis
Et on les réunit
Quand vient les soirs d’ennui
On vit pour son argent,
Ses rêves, ses palaces
Mais on n’a jamais fait
Un cercueil à deux places
Pour ne pas vivre seule,
Moi je vis avec toi
Je suis seule avec toi,
Tu es seul avec moi.
Pour ne pas vivre seul
On vit comme ceux qui veulent
Se donner l’illusion
De ne pas vivre seul.

Did update with a massive entry but my computer crashed and now I am not in the mood to retype.
Current Mood: pensive

20th August 2003

9:40pm: Well today was good...it was Royal Holloway open day for clearing applicants.....god this place is gorgeous! The University is like the most gorgeous building in the world!! It's amazing...
There is no room left in the halls of residence, but they gave me a list of people locally with rooms to let and I found a great place! it's not ideal as I would have liked to live on campus but it's with a really nice family, and I live in the 'lodgers' hall' which consists of 3 rooms, in which 3 girls from the uni stay, a little kitchen which I share with them, and a bathroom also shared with them. In that way it is actually better than the halls....because the halls are so old, none of then are ensuite, and you share 4 toilets, 2 baths and 4 showers with the whole floor...at least 20 people....ewww. Plus the rooms are very old and pokey and beige with disgusting curtains...they have the old crumby youth hostel feel about them. My room on the other hand, is not that small, and kinda cosy, lots of light, painted light yellow with light blue curtains, and I can decorate it with pretty posters and fairy lights. Plus I havce a lock on the door so have that all important personal space. The rent is a bit of a bugger - £320 per month which leaves me only £50 a week or so to live off, buy food, go out etc. Hmmmn. I am moving in on the 19th September.
Why the HELL didn't I save my insafe wages instead of buying shoes and alcohol?? Oh yeah, because I didn't realise I was going to Uni. bugger.

16th August 2003

11:36pm: My Life Updated
Well, Haven't been here for a while! Lots of things have happened...
*A-Level Results...

Drama - A (I am over the moon!! Got full marks in my retake and full marks in my A2 written exams, and 104/120 for acting which is good cos they are harsh...wooooO!!!!!!!!! SCREW YOU MRS CORP!!! I GOT THE BEST MARKS IN THE CLASS AND YOU ALMOST FUCKED UP MY ENTIRE FUTURE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO IT!!!

English - B ...I was a little peeved cos I got 5 A's and 1 E for the modules...doesn't seem to make sense as the E was the exam I had prepared super well for and got great questions and thought I had done well...it was one of the only exams I was confident about. I am not killing myself over it or anything but I think I will get it remarked...just for the gratification of getting an A. I only need a few marks :-)

French - C ...Woohoo I passed! Definitely my most challenging A-Level as a lot of it was not my cup of tea and I'm not really a natural at langauges. I got an A for the oral which I was pleased about...I really only care about the culture and speaking the language anyway....who cares if I got an E for my environment essay?? Very pleased with this result!

*I AM GOING TO UNI!! I have been getting this feeling for quite a while that I really need to leave this place and I think that Uni is the best place for me...but I was dubious about finding a decent place at Uni...however bought the independant on the way from school to the pub on thursday and found a place at The Royal Holloway (like 8th best uni in the country or something...I applied there earlier this year to do drama and got rejected) to do Single Honours English...and got in!!! They were looking for ABC anyway and they had my english reference from the dear Mrs Clark and accepted me right away on the phone!!

*In other news I had a girlfriend for a week or so but it didn't work out...complicated...messy.

I am both extremely excited and scared about this new step in my life...I have all these forms and admin and just received my reading list...I have had to order 25 books from Amazon (!!!) and I have to read 15 of them in the next month before I arrive!!!! Some of it, like As You Liek it, Twelfth Night and the ROmantic poetry and most of the novels will be fun and stuff that I would read anyway or am already familiar with, but some of it...big old books on literary criticism, Beowulf...CHAUCER!!!!! Not so fun. I am worried about being in over my head.

I am also worried about leaving my room....moving stuff out...what do I take?? I dont know what my accomodation will be like as I have applied so late...I might have to share, at least temporarily...*shudders* What could be worse than sharing your personal space, your sleeping space and stuff with people you dont know?? Plus not everyone appreciates posters of beautiful women, polka dot rugs and fairy lights...though god knows why...

Anyway everything has to be done by 20th september as that is when I am moving!! At least its not too far so I can come back for stuff I forget or whatever....its only in Surrey, about an hour by car and just over an hour on the train...about 20 mins from waterloo :-)

I definitely do feel that everything has fallen into place though....I feel like I have been given a second chance to prove myself and am really ready to work hard. I want to make this work.

I just spent 3 days in London, out with Ellie, Elle (my sort of girlfriend who is no longer my sort of girlfriend), Jammy, Rita (ellie's mates), jo and amber, and also spendingt time with my dad who's up there at the moment....went to a lot of cool bars and clubs, danced an awful lot, drunk a little too much and generally had a fab time! I also found a film memorabilia shop today and bought huge "Belle de jour" original poster....mmmmn catherine deneuve...now I have to take some other posters down and do lots of rearranging to get it to fit on a wall!!

Claire came round tonight...she got her AS results and was moaning about getting a B in history, not in the same way as I was with english but as if B was a really crappy grade or something. Plus she was telling me about this friend who 'only' got ABC but stopped when I reminded her that those were also my results. Fair enough everyone has different standards but it pisses me off when people act so snobby about perfectly good grades.

Oh well...off to plough through some accomodation and ucas forms. Well done to all you LJ A-Level people friends....all seem to have done really well :-)

2nd August 2003

12:33am: had another splurge today, on stuff for my room this time.
* the most amazing neon light - it is in the shape of a cocktail glass, bright pink, with a green olive in it. - £10
* Breakfast at tiffany's poster
* 'lesbian chic' poster - two girls kissing. One of them is really gorgeous
* huge black 'beanless bag' - amazingly comfy retro thing. looks cool with my polka dot cushions - only £5
* heart shaped fairy lights - £8
* marilyn monroe, marlene deitrich and greta garbo pics with quotes from each.
*photo frame
Cant seem to stop spending money. I had to pay £100 housekeeping today. No more spending for me I feel.
I also went to the job agency today - they have loads of stuff going for year out people, one year contract stuff. Lots of receptionist and office dogsbody stuff. Could work. I need a job, anyways. Oh how blissful school was. How easy to slip in late, how great to lie around in the common room. Maybe I am being idealistic about it in my old age, lol.

Tonight I went out with Pierre to the Rusty Pelican...had a gorgeous American Diner type dinner and one too many strawberry daquiris. I was wearing my new 50's skirt and shoes and really felt like I was in Far From Heaven lol. Cathy drinks Strawberry Daquiris the whole way through. Oh I must also recommend PS I love you....it is some sort of creamy alcoholic thing...baileys and amaretto and stuff....don't really know...delighful though. My new shoes are not as uncomfortable as they could be, haven't got a single blister yet which is good news.

Meh Pierre goes to Sardinia to see Claire on Monday...all my friends are pissing off and leaving me in this crappy town!! I need to broaden my horizons. Maybe I will just buy a ticket somewhere with my remaining cash. I dont even have a passport yet.
Current Mood: quixotic

31st July 2003

11:07pm: I Went to London today - it was actaully really good and liberating to just be there by myself. Whenever I go shopping there I am always with Ellie or Naomi who have very different tastes to me and it's hard to shop, plus the shops such as Topship are so huge you worry about loosing poeople the whole time. I had a bit of a spendup and it felt great! I bought:
*powder blue 50's circle skirt with dark blue polka dots on it - £30
*cool powder pink T-Shirt with a black an white adver for an old B movie on it - "Angel Eyes" - £14
*THE BEST SHOES IN THE WORLD!!!!! They are light pink peeptoe stilettoes with a big red bow on them. I am not even going to say how much they cost - I am trying to forget and focus on their beauty.
*lovely jeans from Hennes to replace my horrible stretchy topshop ones - they have the worn look to them, quite tight with a flared leg, light coloured with worn patches. - £30
*dice patch which I have sewed to my jeans
*cool pinup girl notebook - £1
*atlantic city on video - have ben looking for it for ages - £10
*"Un Flic" on video, a french film with Catherine Deneuve :P
So I spent quite a lot, I am ignoring the fact that I dont have a job at the moment so dont know where my next money is coming from, but I still have quite a bit left so I should be alright.
I am glad to be back in my room - it feels so nice now everything is organised.

On a deeper level, I am good. COntent, I think, is the word. I dont really know where I am going or what I am going to do with myself, but I am not going to think about that for a while. i am treating this time as a holiday...i will read, watch films, apply for a few jobs as all the shops are looking for people to start in September when the Uni students go back, and then go and see my mum when my passport arrives. Maybe go and see my Auntie too. September = real life. August for me, I think.
I am going out with Pierre tomorrow night, I think I will take him to the Rusty Pelican. They have strawberry daquiri there ;-)

20th July 2003

8:20pm: Long time non-typer
Well I have a lot to catch up on...or rather you do, if you can be bothered to read this!
It was my birthday last Sunday and very nice i was too. I went down to Brighton for the weekend with Naomi and oh dear God I am going back when I get payed! The lanes are the best place ever and Hennes is sooooo great and cheap!
In the day we went shoppping and I bought
*funky black combat-ish trousers with a tie around the waist and lots of zips
*cool 80's-ish top, black with a pannel of pink and a panel of blue, baggy at the top and kind of hangs off one shoulder
*the cutest pink shoes ever to replace my pink pumps as I have worn them to the ground - they are pink with little dots on them and they turn up at the end - from VELVET - the best shop ever, in north lane
*black and white dice bracelet
*pink dice bracelet - both also from velvet
* THE NICEST top in the world! Silk, 50's style, tight halterneck with a thick tight neck thing, with big pink and black spots on it. it's sort of baggy and has a big tie at the waist. It's made by pink soda and was ridiculously overpriced but it was my birthday after all.

We then went back to the hotel, which was not the best but it's not like we were planning on spending much time there, and got chnaged and went down to the pier. We went on most of the rides, they were all fun except this one which is a really rickety rollercoaster and you all have individual little carriages, it turns really sharply and dangles you over the sea and you can actually feel the rails creaking. never again. I thought I was actually going to die.

We then went back to the hotel bar and as it was midnight I could get served, and to my glee they asked me for ID and I actually had some! Ah the brief cheap thrill. We went to bed about 2 and then got up early to meet my dad. We spent most of the day on the beach, having a picnic. For my brithday I got:
*Orgasmic GHD hair straighteners which I am now addicted to, from Laura
*A book about New York from my dad as he is taking me there in Nov as my main present
*soundtrack to "The Hours"
*cash from family

In the evening I went to Mt Edgecumbe, a really nice pub, with Claire and Pierre and sat outside playing cards and chatting.

eep gotta go claire's here, will updatre later

25th June 2003

10:28am: sleepyhappyconfused
Well, my last exam was yesterday - WOO! I can't believe it's all over!!! It was English, and actually the only one I am confident I did well on, surprising because it is the hardest, Synoptic with Tempest and Translations and Unseen poetry/prose. The questions were what I was expecting and I managed to do alright with my Tempest essay I think, and the poetry was fucking great! A modern poem, by someone MacPherson, about perception of time, time moving slower, faster, etc. I really enjoyed it and I think my esay was pretty good! I ended up filling the answer booklet plus an extra 10 sides, but mainly that was because I was trying to write as much as I could for Tempest and was running out of time, so my writing was messy and huge. Gradewise, overall, I rekon I have got B or maybe A for English, B for Drama and C or D (doh) for French. Not what I was hoping for but meh, its all done now.

Last night I went out with Naomi and Clare came too. We went to a few pubs, really relaxed and got rather drunk. I wore my stilettos with bright pink socks and got some shouts from people! We then watched The Hinger....mmmnn lesbian chic....mmmmn Catherine Deneuve's clothes....plus it is so well shot, it's really amazing. Ooohh and Deneuve+Sarandon+Bowie=amazing. What more could you want?

If only I could really relax now....I must prepare for my audition! Ahhh! I am now singing "Mac the Knife", because Cathryn has the backing track. Right, off to go shopping *ahem* i mean prepare!

23rd June 2003

8:03pm: Well, my Dad got married on Saturday! It was fun! I got my hair and make-up done so looked great for once, my hair was done in this funky all on top with little spikey and tousled bits thing, with flowers in it....at the end of the day I counted, 28 pink roses (tiny ones...and real ones...so they had kinda died by the evening) and 68 kirbi grips...my head hurt! The ceremony was nice and fresh and original, if a little religious for my tastes, it was at least modern and basic and accesible. I read Shakespeare's sonnet 116 and people boosted my ego all day lol. Oh also got a gorgeous flamboyant pink and silver ring for my bridesmaids present AND got to travel in a limo...lucky me! Oh and also got to stay in a hotel for the night, fun fun fun!!
I do have a terrible secret though, I am amazingly attracted to my Dad's friend Claire, who as of next week happens to be my boss. I have known for ages that there was something about her that I liked, she is so lovely and kind and caring, and just a great person, but on Saturday I had to admit to myself that I am sooo attracted to her. She is just amazing...she's also one of those really affectionate people, which makes it even worse! She is 42 as well. And she's always being treated like shit by men...and she is just amazing. Phew. At least she'll keep me on my toes at work, wouldn't want to be told off by her or anything.
I had exams today, 3 hours of French and 2 and a half hours of Drama. Drama was Brecht/Synoptic, and one of the questions was asking us about "Spass", a theory which none of us have read about or been taught, and which is not mentioned at all in the textbook or anything I have read about Brecht so that sucked, luckily there was a general question to apply Brecht to, which I could do. Hopefully I got an A for that part, but for the Synoptic bit they gave us a completely ridiculous extract from a ridiculous Italian farce. The main characters were "pantaloon" and "truffelino"...need I say more? It was practically a pantomine and fuck me if they expected me to write 2 serious A-level standard essays (in an hour!) using relavent experiences on a pantomime. I don't think I did too well, one of my essays was 3 pages and the other 2 pages, compared to Brecht which was 10 pages. Doh. I don't think I am going to get an A for Drama. Hopefully a B. I will be so fucked off if I get a C.
French...didnt do a SCRAP of revision, didnt even look at a book or a piece of paper of even a word of the french language, and managed yet again to blag it! Go me! I wonder if I will be so enthused come exam time....
I have english synoptic tomorrow, and need to learn quoatations and points on broken communications and i'm tired and all I want to do is sleep and watch a film or something. Oh well tomorrow comes freedom and Naomi and I are celebrating bigtime. Then I have to prepare for audition. Mrrrrrgggg. I guess it could be fun, I haven't done any acting since March and am getting withdrawal symptoms...went a bit OTT with the wedding poem! I will scan some pics when some come back.
Oh and also got some capital bonds from the dad, because he can't spend them and cos I am looking after sisters for a week (well kinda, with my grandma) plus I had New Look vouchers (which I never thought I'd spend!) I bought...
*black gorgeous stilettos that are exactly like the ones in Topshop for £50, in new look for £20!
*gorgeous 3/4 sleeved, wide neck off the shoulder top thing with blac big waistband and black and whit diagonal stripes, kinda trashy in a good way...£18 in topshop
*pink socks to go with stilettos and a skirt
*Stepmom and Little Women to remind myself of what a pervert I am and tell myself off for finding Susan Sarandon so attractive in earlier films, and kill myself over Stepmom...it still gets me every time...I give myself a headache crying...

I still have more capital bonds. I think I will stop off in Topshop again after exam tomorrow. I want a little Ra-Ra skirt but my thighs are unspeakable. Cellulite City. And theyre all white and english. Maybe not....its a shame I cant spend them in other shops because topshop stuff can be so samey, and you know if you get something that a lot fo people are likely to like then you will see 10 people at least wearing the same thing in town. Irritating.

Right....revision.....Noooooo!!!! Fuck. I can't fail this or my only chance of getting an A in anything is ruined.
Current Mood: drained
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